People say that time goes by faster as you get older. Probably too fast if you ask me… People also say that time heals everything. Not fast enough if you … Continue reading Birthday Week
Radiation Anniversary
It’s hard to believe that it has only been one year since Grace finished her radiation therapy. So much has happened in the past year that it feels like a … Continue reading Radiation Anniversary
Quick Update on Grace
We can’t believe it has only been six weeks since the surgery and just about a month since being discharged. Other than a few minor hiccups here and there – … Continue reading Quick Update on Grace
More than just food
It still feels like a bad dream when I think about the fact that it has only been just over 3 weeks since Grace was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery … Continue reading More than just food
Home
#home
Last One
#lastone #jpdrainssuck #punintended #almosthomebound
Small Things
Grace was able to swallow tiny sips of water through her mouth and this is great news since it means she can swallow! Her tracheostomy was “corked” meaning they put … Continue reading Small Things
Out of the ICU
She was finally moved last night from the ICU to Medicine/Surgery unit. This morning they removed still more tubes from her and said she’s making pretty good progress. All tubes from her head/neck area are now out – praise the Lord! She, however, still has the angiotube, trach, draining tube from her leg where they harvested the flap from, and of course the IV still in place but it’s far less than even a couple of hours ago so we are very thankful. The staff at the ICU were amazing and the team here in the med/sure are great as well. We are very thankful for everyone’s skilled hands and God’s amazing handiwork on display through our body’s design and technology.
Specific prayer request: we are hoping very much to be able to go home without the trach on her neck if possible. While I’ve gotten pretty ok at taking care of it (They even had me replace the tube yesterday as part of my training for when we go home!), she is still not ready to breathe without it due to swelling and much secretion. She sort of sounds like Darth Vader when breathing hard but really that’s about the only upside if you can even call it that. So please pray that she’ll be able to get it taken out of her before we are discharged!
We are also still waiting for the pathology report from the tumor and the lymph nodes they removed from the surgery so please continue to pray for favorable results as well!
#babysteps #darthvadervoiceisoverrated #cancersucks #mywifestillrocks
Progress
Progress! It was a long night of some breathing issues but the doctors say she’s healing very well. She has been walking around the room this morning and is now … Continue reading Progress
ICU
“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear … Continue reading ICU
His Grace Is Sufficient
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, … Continue reading His Grace Is Sufficient
Hospital Bound
It’s become a bit difficult to try to keep everyone updated individually so I’ve decided to post here. Grace, my wife and the mother of our three children was diagnosed … Continue reading Hospital Bound
Psalm 121
A Song of Ascents. I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. … Continue reading Psalm 121
New Beginning
It has been almost 18-months since we left our home in BJ and returned to the US, not knowing exactly what was waiting for us. And after much of that time spent in prayer, seeking, wrestling, crying, and struggling with God, we now have peace in our hearts that the next phase of our journey is to humbly accept the call to be the new lead pastor of a church plant in San Marino, CA, called “My Father’s House”(MFH). Even though we had our hearts set on returning to Asia, it was made clear through Scripture, circumstances, and answered prayers that we were to respond in obedience to this calling at this particular moment in our journey. This will also be a bivocational position in that while serving as the lead pastor of the church, I will be working a different job during the week, at least part-time, to supplement our income until the church grows enough to be able to support us full-time. We will officially begin our ministry at MFH on June 1st of this year.
While our family will not be moving back to Asia anytime soon, God has made sure that we are still connected to the ongoing ministry there in the only way that He was able to. One of the partner missionaries whom we worked with very closely in Asia is an officially commissioned missionary from Father’s House and has been actively supported monthly by the church for the past several years. We are both humbled and excited to be part of a church that, though small in size, has God-sized dreams to be a part of what He is doing all over the world as it has been faithfully supporting other missionaries in Japan and Europe as well. Please pray with us that this church will experience a great revival as it continues to “expect great things from God and attempt great things for God”! (William Carey)
And if you are interested, here are some prayer requests as we begin this new chapter in our life:
Transition: While this journey we are on forces us to remember that we are pilgrims just passing through this world, living in the “already but not yet” does have its costs in the present. Please pray that the kids will not resent all the changes and that we as parents will be able to guide them wisely through this time.
Vision: As the new lead pastor of My Father’s House, it will be of utmost importance to be able to catch a single vision from God and to be able to communicate it clearly to His people. Please pray that we will humbly seek His face for greater understanding of the vision He has for My Father’s House.
Strength: While we are excited about this new chapter in our life, it being a bivocational position does cause me to wonder about my own physical limitations. Please pray for a cheerful heart and physical strength to endure whatever lies ahead.
Wisdom: Please pray that both Grace and I will seek His wisdom daily in order to minister according His good and perfect will. Even if you forget all other requests, please do remember this one and pray for supernatural wisdom in order for us to serve His people lovingly and effectively
China: Although we will be based in the US for the foreseeable future, our hearts have been eternally dented by the people and the church of China. Please pray that God’s work will forcefully advance in that great nation and the plentiful harvest will continue to be reaped by His faithful and willing workers!
Sir, you took the words right out of my mouth…
(obviously much more eloquently – it is Rich Mullins)
“Hard To Get” by Rich Mullins
You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I’m so scared, I’m holding my breath
While You’re up there just playing hard to get
You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that’s not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then
Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don’t see the blood that’s running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You’re up there just playing hard to get?
And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow
All I really need to know
Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can’t see what’s ahead
And we can not get free of what we’ve left behind
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can’t see how You’re leading me unless You’ve led me here
Where I’m lost enough to let myself be led
And so You’ve been here all along I guess
It’s just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get
For His Name’s Sake
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
How much more familiar can a passage from the Bible get? From John Rutter’s beautiful “The Lord Is My Shepherd” to the heartbreaking scene of a priest reciting it as the ship was sinking in the movie Titanic, Psalm 23 is undoubtedly one of the most frequently referenced scripture in popular media and culture. For many it is the go-to verse from the Bible to recite in time of dire distress or imminent danger and is perhaps the most read Bible passage at funeral services. I myself have a connection to this psalm going all the way back to when I was yet a first grader in Korea. I was reciting it for a Bible memory contest and ironically, due to my intense anxiety of having to stand in front of the entire church, I felt as if I was actually walking through the valley of the shadow of death!
Well, I have gotten over the fear of speaking in front of people since then but there are certainly other “new and improved” fears that visit me from time to time in my life. And each time, as many others do, I go to this passage and seek to find solace because there is a childlike trust that no matter what happens, God will walk with me because He loves me and I’m His child… or so I thought.
As my family is about to go through another major transition and take yet another step of faith, I arrive at this passage again, asking God to both comfort and guide us. This time, however, I am struck by the very brief statement in the middle of the psalm and it forces me to rethink why this psalm should comfort me in time of need:
“…for his name’s sake”
I suddenly realized that every time I had looked to this passage for comfort in the past, I had been saying very self-centered prayers. It was always either “save me” or “walk with me“. Why? Because I’m the one at the center of the story. I had been reading this psalm with myself as the main star. It was always about me. It was always about my life. So of course God should immediately come to my rescue so I can feel better. To my embarrassment, I don’t know why I didn’t pay more attention to this short phrase before. This short phrase “for his name’s sake” changes everything. It changes how I read this beloved psalm and why I should put my trust in Him to act justly and be who He is – loving and righteous at the same time. He will comfort his people because of His own name. He will guide his people in paths of righteousness for the same reason – for his name’s sake. For His own name’s sake He will do everything within his power to let the world know that He is, well, God! No matter where I find myself I have nothing to fear, not because I’m so adorable to God, but because God will not let His own name be dragged through mud – provided of course, that I too honor His name.
I find this is infinitely more reassuring than how I used to think about it before, not to mention probably more biblically sound as well. God will prevail and His people will prevail because ultimately it is about His glory and not my glory.
So I have a renewed sense of faith as we take this next step of faith that God will reveal His glory. Whether it is through the shadowy valley or through the green pastures, as the LORD leads, we have no choice but to follow…
Chinese Christians scramble to save cross
I know that there is a lot happening in the world everywhere and there are not enough hours in a day to pray for them all. That’s why I try to pray silently, briefly, and immediately, whenever I come across anything that calls for the prayer of the saints. Please stand with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and lift up a prayer for the church in China.
Early Morning Send Off
How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, “Your God reigns!”
Isaiah 52:7
One of those days…
“I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time when you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don’t even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what’s it to you?
There’s a blaze of light in every word
It doesn’t matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah”
Writer(s): Leonard Cohen, Theresa Christina Calonge de Sa Mattos
Copyright: Bad Monk Publishing, Sony/ATV Songs LLC
LEONARD COHEN lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.
“Hallelujah” lyrics provided for educational purposes and personal use only.
Daddy’s Girls
Had an unplanned outing with just my three girls to the local Arts & Crafts Festival. Although we were out there during the hottest hours of the day, I appreciated the opportunity very much as I haven’t had much time to spend with the girls lately. When I see how fast they are growing up right in front of my eyes – so fast that it catches me off guard at times – I am at times filled with fear that I will become irrelevant and lose significance as a parent to them. Don’t ask me where such fear and insecurity come from – it’s quite obvious it has to do with a combination of many different things, not the least of which is my relationship with my own parents.
At any rate, being painfully self-aware of this, I find myself desperately trying at times to overcompensate for my dysfunctional upbringing in my own parenting so that my kids would go through life with “healthier” relationships with others than I have. But I pretty much fail on a daily basis and the cycle of parental insecurity lives to see another day.
The irony, however, is that for some unexplainable reason, my kids seem to love me unconditionally – even more so than I love them at times. Even if they got yelled at the day before, the next day they will come to me, hug me, or would want to hold my hand as we walk down the street to get a new pack of erasers from the dollar store next door. What amazes me each time that happens is their capacity to love and trust me beyond whatever offenses I might have committed against them. I’ve hurt their feelings and their pride too many times to count, but so far – and probably not for much longer – they seem to somehow just accept me as their father and love me as their father.
And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
(Matthew 18:3)
What Jesus said in the above verse is perhaps too profound for any of us grown-ups to ever fully comprehend but maybe the childlike quality that Jesus demands from his followers is just that – almost illogical (for the sophisticated grown-ups that is) dependence on God the Father that completely ignores the worldly relationship norm that is based on exchange of favors and almost stupidly trusts Him because, well, because He is God – Yahweh.
Anyway, I don’t know where all that came from, but I was grateful for the afternoon and here are some pictures to prove it!
$3 Pony ride.
Four of us shared a large order of Hawaiian BBQ Chicken plate and yes, I was aware there was a huge green garbage can next to us but that’s where the shade was also :p
Kaelyn being silly of course.
100% real, authentic, genuine, seriously creepy shrunken heads from Uruguay. $40 each. Let’s just say that I’m eternally grateful my consumerism didn’t get the best of me.
Some really talented folks there. Glass blowing is seriously cool.
Steps of Faith 